I've grown. So fucking much. Unfortunately, there's no measurement of personal growth. Like, for instance, I can't say: "Hey guys, I've grown to Level 36!" like you might say in the Blue Version of Pokemon. Life just doesn't work like that. I know I've grown because I've literally grown in my stay in Korea. By almost 3 centimeters! That is the only way I can literally measure my growth over the past 11 months and change.
But, yeah, there is more growth than certain physical growth. I'm still me. I'm just a better, more driven, productive, happier me. I don't have the key to happiness. I sure wish I did. There are days when I feel a panic attack creeping up on me like a swarm of angry wasps. There are days when I feel ugly and certainly days where I don't want to give, look or act my best. Fortunately, I have discovered simple ways to be my best. And while these following life hacks don't work for everyone, they may work to your advantage if you hit a rough patch.
Look, I'm not a life coach. I'm not an ideal human being like Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jr. or CSI: Miami star David Caruso. I'm just a dude. The sooner you recognize that you are just a dude/dudette, the sooner you can be happy.
1: Be GOOD at something.
In other words, focus on one thing and do it well. If your thing is walking backwards in a lightning storm with a top hat on, by all means, do it! But really, you should focus your efforts on one thing and try to do it well. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do other things! Heavens no! You should do as much stuff as you can, but you should recognize that if you do a whole bunch of stuff, you are never going to be able to be super good at any of them. Pick something you really want and go for it! Really go all out and see if it is something you can be good at.
I'll give you a personal example. When I got to Korea, I absolutely abhorred running. When I ran, my body looked like gelatin contained in a sanitary doctor's glove. Imagine that. It is an awful image. I stuck with it though. At first, I could barely push myself to run maybe fifteen minutes without stopping. Then I could go about 25, then 30 and eventually, I could run and run and run. If I wanted to, I could probably run a marathon (and I probably should).
2: When you get GOOD at something, get GOOD at something else: being you.
So I got good at running. The health part of my life was fulfilled and I could focus part of my energy to running and feeling good. But aside from feeling real good, I had to find something else to do with my time because, well, as much as I'd love to, I can't run all day long. I decided to focus my energies on teaching and just being a good person. The cockiness that came from the testicles I'd lost and then found through exercise reared its ugly head about 3 months after I'd discovered that I was no longer a fat shlub. It takes a real effort to be a good person and Lord knows that I'm not a perfect person. Sometimes, I'm not even a good person. However, if you make an effort and catch yourself when you talk bad about another person, or when you make any sort of hateful remark, you will purge yourself of anger and frustration. This isn't to say that you are always going to be a good person. This isn't to say that you aren't going to have moments that challenge your integrity. If you make an honest attempt at being a good person (and this is the kicker), you will have less moments that sneak up on you, knee you in the crotch and leave you rolling on the ground holding your balls.
3: GOSSIP is for poop-heads.
Are you a poop-head? Did somebody tell you something that they told you to keep a secret and you didn't keep it a secret? The best way to avoid gossip is not to start it. This requires you to do two things: Keep your mouth shut when someone tells you something secret and to never tell other people secrets about yourself. Think about it, if you have something you really want to tell someone, unless you want the whole world to know about it, you are best off keeping that information to yourself. Honestly, what is the point of telling someone if it is a secret? If you do tell someone something personal, don't be surprised if you hear it being spread around like the Bubonic plague. Also, it's probably best if you learn to keep secrets for other people without being told. You witness somebody make an honest mistake and no one else sees it. Keep it to yourself. That person'll get pretty pissed off if somebody else mentions their mistake to them if you were the only one who played witness to said mistake.
It's old hat and really cliched like the phrase "old hat", but gossip is for numb-nuts and shit-birds.
4. Be yourself. Be consistent.
This is the toughest one to do. You're probably saying, "Well, sheeeeit. I'm myself every day." No. No you're not, pal. You are like a chameleon, changing your skin to adapt to various situations and certain environments. Try this. Try being the best possible you at all times. It doesn't matter if it is watching football with the guys, hanging out with your significant other, sitting in the pew with your grandmother on Sunday, or in the mosh pit at your favorite band's concert. When you emerge from whichever aforementioned situation you're in, you should be the same. You should be consistent. If you are nice to Chaz on Saturday at the party, then by gum don't talk shit about him when you are hungover on Sunday. If you tell Leslie that she's got a nice dress at the dance, don't bad mouth her for her lower back tattoo at the punch table. The trap everyone inevitably falls into is having to fall in line with everyone else.
I'll paint you a picture. You are at a party and you see a guy/girl you vaguely know walk in. You go over to greet that person when you overhear someone whisper, "Oh no, he/she/it's here." This makes the situation tough. Just because someone else doesn't like someone, doesn't mean you shouldn't give them a fair shake. It is too easy to simply fall in line with your friends when they dislike someone. Spoiler: people get cheesed off at people for various reasons and you have had a falling out with someone because they got something you didn't get. So you bad mouth them. It happens. You need to keep this in mind when you hear shit-talk occur. To top it off, people try to carpet bomb people by badmouthing them to other people. You should not pay attention to the badmouthing, nor should you EVER badmouth someone to other people. We all do it and it sucks. Just think back to a time when you've been badmouthed. It is a terrible situation.
5: Accept that you are not right all the time.
Ninety-nine percent of the time, I am wrong. I'm willing to admit it. There is nothing more frustrating than hearing an argument break out when someone is clearly wrong and hearing that person vehemently insist that they are right. I'm not saying you have to agree with people all the time, but you should at least accept that there's a chance that the person you disagree with is right and that you might be wrong. If you are right and you know you are right, leave it at that. You will look more like a fool if you lose your temper in an argument.
6. Drink lots of water.
Water's good for you.
7. Eat lots of fruit and veg.
Fruit and veg. are good for you, too.
8. Make your bed.
You'd be surprised how much organizing your stuff makes you a happier, mentally healthier person. When you have stuff strewn about your room and you have no semblance of organization in your life, you may be depressed. It is interesting, but if a person is disorganized or unkempt, there is a strong possibility that he/she is having problems with depression. It is good to get in the habit of cleaning up after yourself and take a moment to evaluate yourself on why you might not be keeping up on your little chores. Rebuild your life from the ground up. Take pride in who you are. It is much easier to enjoy life when you are capable of cleaning up after yourself.
9. Make promises and keep them.
10. Take people on their word and if they don't deliver, don't hold it against them.
11. Find a hobby.
12. Don't make friends just to make friends.
Everyone likes to have friends. You know what it's like when you set up a man-date and you are going to visit your buds and you like one of them slightly more than the other. And you say, "Man, it's going to be good to see Rusty, and Harry is okay, too." It's okay, everyone does it. People can only interact naturally with a smaller group of people. I'm not telling you not to make friends. NO! I'm saying that you shouldn't take your friendships lightly. Each friend should be just as important to you as the last. That being said, some people simply can't be friends with other people. It's just a fact of life. Don't force being friends with someone you simply can't stand and don't force yourself on someone if they aren't taking the bait. Friendships, like all relationships, occur naturally. You'll come off looking like a tool if you are trying to be friends with someone you have nothing in common with by trying to act like someone who they might "accept".
13. Don't buy stuff just to have it.
14. Try volunteer work.
15. Try religion. Try yoga. Work on being more spiritual.
16. Do things you don't like to do.
17. Try new stuff.
18. Don't talk yourself out of anything, unless that something is negative.
If you have the chance to bungee jump--take it. If you have the chance to try heroin--don't.
19. Read.
20. Let yourself love and lose the sarcasm shield.
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