The Best You, Not the Worst You

I've grown. So fucking much. Unfortunately, there's no measurement of personal growth. Like, for instance, I can't say: "Hey guys, I've grown to Level 36!" like you might say in the Blue Version of Pokemon. Life just doesn't work like that. I know I've grown because I've literally grown in my stay in Korea. By almost 3 centimeters! That is the only way I can literally measure my growth over the past 11 months and change.

But, yeah, there is more growth than certain physical growth. I'm still me. I'm just a better, more driven, productive, happier me. I don't have the key to happiness. I sure wish I did. There are days when I feel a panic attack creeping up on me like a swarm of angry wasps. There are days when I feel ugly and certainly days where I don't want to give, look or act my best. Fortunately, I have discovered simple ways to be my best. And while these following life hacks don't work for everyone, they may work to your advantage if you hit a rough patch.

Look, I'm not a life coach. I'm not an ideal human being like Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jr. or CSI: Miami star David Caruso. I'm just a dude. The sooner you recognize that you are just a dude/dudette, the sooner you can be happy.

1: Be GOOD at something.

In other words, focus on one thing and do it well. If your thing is walking backwards in a lightning storm with a top hat on, by all means, do it!  But really, you should focus your efforts on one thing and try to do it well. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do other things! Heavens no! You should do as much stuff as you can, but you should recognize that if you do a whole bunch of stuff, you are never going to be able to be super good at any of them.  Pick something you really want and go for it! Really go all out and see if it is something you can be good at.

I'll give you a personal example. When I got to Korea, I absolutely abhorred running. When I ran, my body looked like gelatin contained in a sanitary doctor's glove. Imagine that. It is an awful image. I stuck with it though. At first, I could barely push myself to run maybe fifteen minutes without stopping. Then I could go about 25, then 30 and eventually, I could run and run and run. If I wanted to, I could probably run a marathon (and I probably should).

2: When you get GOOD at something, get GOOD at something else: being you.

So I got good at running. The health part of my life was fulfilled and I could focus part of my energy to running and feeling good. But aside from feeling real good, I had to find something else to do with my time because, well, as much as I'd love to, I can't run all day long. I decided to focus my energies on teaching and just being a good person. The cockiness that came from the testicles I'd lost and then found through exercise reared its ugly head about 3 months after I'd discovered that I was no longer a fat shlub. It takes a real effort to be a good person and Lord knows that I'm not a perfect person. Sometimes, I'm not even a good person. However, if you make an effort and catch yourself when you talk bad about another person, or when you make any sort of hateful remark, you will purge yourself of anger and frustration. This isn't to say that you are always going to be a good person. This isn't to say that you aren't going to have moments that challenge your integrity. If you make an honest attempt at being a good person (and this is the kicker), you will have less moments that sneak up on you, knee you in the crotch and leave you rolling on the ground holding your balls.

3: GOSSIP is for poop-heads.

Are you a poop-head? Did somebody tell you something that they told you to keep a secret and you didn't keep it a secret? The best way to avoid gossip is not to start it. This requires you to do two things: Keep your mouth shut when someone tells you something secret and to never tell other people secrets about yourself. Think about it, if you have something you really want to tell someone, unless you want the whole world to know about it, you are best off keeping that information to yourself. Honestly, what is the point of telling someone if it is a secret? If you do tell someone something personal, don't be surprised if you hear it being spread around like the Bubonic plague. Also, it's probably best if you learn to keep secrets for other people without being told. You witness somebody make an honest mistake and no one else sees it. Keep it to yourself. That person'll get pretty pissed off if somebody else mentions their mistake to them if you were the only one who played witness to said mistake.

It's old hat and really cliched like the phrase "old hat", but gossip is for numb-nuts and shit-birds.

4. Be yourself. Be consistent.

This is the toughest one to do. You're probably saying, "Well, sheeeeit. I'm myself every day." No. No you're not, pal. You are like a chameleon, changing your skin to adapt to various situations and certain environments. Try this. Try being the best possible you at all times. It doesn't matter if it is watching football with the guys, hanging out with your significant other, sitting in the pew with your grandmother on Sunday, or in the mosh pit at your favorite band's concert. When you emerge from whichever aforementioned situation you're in, you should be the same. You should be consistent. If you are nice to Chaz on Saturday at the party, then by gum don't talk shit about him when you are hungover on Sunday. If you tell Leslie that she's got a nice dress at the dance, don't bad mouth her for her lower back tattoo at the punch table. The trap everyone inevitably falls into is having to fall in line with everyone else.

I'll paint you a picture. You are at a party and you see a guy/girl you vaguely know walk in. You go over to greet that person when you overhear someone whisper, "Oh no, he/she/it's here." This makes the situation tough. Just because someone else doesn't like someone, doesn't mean you shouldn't give them a fair shake. It is too easy to simply fall in line with your friends when they dislike someone. Spoiler: people get cheesed off at people for various reasons and you have had a falling out with someone because they got something you didn't get. So you bad mouth them. It happens. You need to keep this in mind when you hear shit-talk occur. To top it off, people try to carpet bomb people by badmouthing them to other people.  You should not pay attention to the badmouthing, nor should you EVER badmouth someone to other people. We all do it and it sucks. Just think back to a time when you've been badmouthed. It is a terrible situation.

5: Accept that you are not right all the time.

Ninety-nine percent of the time, I am wrong. I'm willing to admit it. There is nothing more frustrating than hearing an argument break out when someone is clearly wrong and hearing that person vehemently insist that they are right. I'm not saying you have to agree with people all the time, but you should at least accept that there's a chance that the person you disagree with is right and that you might be wrong. If you are right and you know you are right, leave it at that. You will look more like a fool if you lose your temper in an argument.

6. Drink lots of water.

Water's good for you.

7. Eat lots of fruit and veg.

Fruit and veg. are good for you, too.

8. Make your bed.

You'd be surprised how much organizing your stuff makes you a happier, mentally healthier person. When you have stuff strewn about your room and you have no semblance of organization in your life, you may be depressed. It is interesting, but if a person is disorganized or unkempt, there is a strong possibility that he/she is having problems with depression. It is good to get in the habit of cleaning up after yourself and take a moment to evaluate yourself on why you might not be keeping up on your little chores. Rebuild your life from the ground up. Take pride in who you are. It is much easier to enjoy life when you are capable of cleaning up after yourself.

9. Make promises and keep them.

10. Take people on their word and if they don't deliver, don't hold it against them.

11. Find a hobby.

12. Don't make friends just to make friends.

Everyone likes to have friends. You know what it's like when you set up a man-date and you are going to visit your buds and you like one of them slightly more than the other. And you say, "Man, it's going to be good to see Rusty, and Harry is okay, too." It's okay, everyone does it. People can only interact naturally with a smaller group of people. I'm not telling you not to make friends. NO! I'm saying that you shouldn't take your friendships lightly. Each friend should be just as important to you as the last. That being said, some people simply can't be friends with other people. It's just a fact of life. Don't force being friends with someone you simply can't stand and don't force yourself on someone if they aren't taking the bait. Friendships, like all relationships, occur naturally. You'll come off looking like a tool if you are trying to be friends with someone you have nothing in common with by trying to act like someone who they might "accept".

13. Don't buy stuff just to have it.

14. Try volunteer work.

15. Try religion. Try yoga. Work on being more spiritual.

16. Do things you don't like to do.

17. Try new stuff.

18. Don't talk yourself out of anything, unless that something is negative.

If you have the chance to bungee jump--take it. If you have the chance to try heroin--don't.

19. Read.

20. Let yourself love and lose the sarcasm shield.

My Korean Playlist

I love music. Who doesn't, though? What curmudgeonly curmudgeon could claim to dislike music? I believe that hearing a particular song triggers memories just like certain smells or tastes.  A few weeks ago, I gave my middle-school students an assignment. I wanted them to pick five of their favorite songs and describe what it was about the songs that they liked. I told them to attach significant memories to certain songs.  Inevitably, "Moves Like Jagger" was everyone's favorite song. How could I blame them? It played incessantly throughout the summer season. It has been usurped by the (in)famous PSY instant classic (novelty) "Gangnam Style". Thinking about those kids picking their favorite songs reminded me about the first time I was ever critical about music. I'm reminded that I was like everyone else. I didn't listen to esoteric avant-garde drivel or even think about music "critically" per se, but I did develop a certain taste and began to become a bit of a snob about what passed through my ears.

Ear worms are always ear worms, regardless of their musicianship or quality. I will try to refrain from the "hits" and focus on random songs that I have discovered (or rediscovered) in Korea. I have found a considerable number of songs to include in my Korean playlist and, no, they aren't all Korean (or ear worms).

My first full month here was December of 2011, so I'll start with that particular time if you guys are with me. I arrived to Korea and I was having trouble with anxiety and a bit of homesickness. I'm not going to lie, at this point in time, I wanted to jump on a plane and celebrate Christmas with my family. However, my friend Susan put together a Christmas party and invited a number of new friends. I am not going to get sappy and say that it felt like I was with a family, but I would be lying if I said that it didn't feel like Christmas. So, maybe that ragtag group of folks I barely knew had somehow come together and became my family--a family that has slowly begun to disintegrate--but more on that later.

DECEMBER

Brian Eno "1/1" from Music for Airplanes

My insomnia was rampant at this point. As I listen back to these four tracks, altogether comprising an album that somehow feels like Christmas to me, I feel a warmth that is difficult to put into words. I used this music to attempt to get to sleep, but found it mesmerizing and cathartic--so much so, that I would stay up for hours half asleep after hearing these ghostly songs and find myself listening to silence.  From the spare piano that quietly opens the album to all the ambient peaks and valleys that follow, this album became embedded in my DNA.  The recurring piano part in the first song feels a bit like film music. It feels a bit like walking into a clearing with giant snow flakes falling against a Russian Blue sky as evening quietly descends.  It was timely music and has certainly enriched my experience here. 

JANUARY

Radio Dept. -- "A Token of Gratitude" Clinging to a Scheme

This is just gorgeous music. I had already been to Seoul one time when I traveled up there again with my friend, Matt. We stayed in a hostel and took some time to explore the city. There were so many people in Seoul for the Chinese New Year that it was a tad overwhelming. The weather was freezing when we headed down to City Hall around midnight. There were people ice skating and for some reason this hazy music was the perfect backdrop to the scenery. Gyeongbokgung (Seoul Palace) was lit up that night and there were millions of people gathered around. I will never forget the many thousands of police officers lined up on the streets that night, nor will I forget the electricity of that cold January evening.

FEBRUARY

Galaxie 500-- "Snowstorm" from On Fire





Dean Wareham's voice should be incredibly grating. It should be. But it isn't. At least not to me. His voice is almost an elemental instrument, it is just as potent and uncompromising as his guitar playing. It seems like it exists simply to challenge listeners to dislike it. This is all I'm giving you. Take it or leave it. "Snowstorm" is such a triumph, I don't even know where to begin. It is a gentle song. The imagery in the song is what is striking. It appears to be a tale about being let off of work early during a snowstorm and the beautiful thing is that is probably all the song is about until the second verse when Wareham sings: "Well I'm looking at the snowflakes/ they all look the same/ and the clouds are going by me/ they're playing some kind of game." The song then takes on a new meaning. It becomes about existential sadness. Heady stuff.

MARCH

Real Estate-- "Green Aisles" from Days




One of the simplest and most beautiful songs in recent memory. It feels like I'm cheating including it on this list because I listen to this album at least a few times a month, front to back. "Green Aisles" opens with chiming guitars and a chugging bassline (as a lot of songs do). It is just how clean the guitars sound and how much of a bass groove is laid down that makes this song stand out, I suppose.  As all the elements are introduced, the song coheres into a singular, moving snapshot of kids riding around in suburbia, wasting their adolescent years blacking out on bicycles and doing what kids do. I wish I could say more about it, but it's simplicity is what makes it so great.

APRIL

Grateful Dead-- "St. Stephen" from Live/Dead

I can't claim to have listened to an incredible amount of the Grateful Dead. I will admit to having some late night jams back in college.  I will also admit to roadtrippin' listening to the Grateful Dead. The Dead are just about the only band whose music is so versatile. It can be listened to on any occasion. "St. Stephen" is wooly, beautiful and reminds me of the coming of spring for some reason. Surprisingly, this song does not have a deeply spiritual meaning or feeling. But it is nice to have a song that is just enjoyable to listen to without needing to seek a deeper meaning. It was about this point that my anxiety about leaving the United States had left me. I was satisfied with my decision to come to Korea. I don't think any music sounds quite as carefree or as wonderful as this.

MAY

Talk Talk-- "New Grass" from Laughing Stock

 



Koreans, like Americans, are always tuned-in to some sort of technology.  My students idolize people like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, sometimes as much as they revere their sports heroes. People are constantly communicating via KakaoTalk (a mobile IM service) on their smart phones. Living in Korea, I didn't have much of a choice but to become a part of this zombie-fication.  Being a country boy, as a rule, I don't know too much about technology and the more I learn, the more I notice myself getting boob-tubed. I was beginning to feel out of touch with nature and stretched thin, when I decided to take up an activity I actually enjoyed: hiking. I began to experience a small streak of independence at this point. I started doing things alone. I enjoyed hiking alone and frequently climbed a mountain only ten minutes from my apartment in Noeun-dong. One beautiful May morning, as I approached the summit of the mountain and looked down at the city I live in, Daejeon, this song came on. 

The clean, chiming, recurring guitar phrase and the tat-tatta-tat ride cymbal-snare in this song are so simple and so understated. Mark Hollis's voice is an aching mumble--it sounds as though he is singing through the pain of a throbbing tooth as much as the agony of a broken heart. His voice weaves in and out among the crystal clear guitar and jazzy drumming as a horn might, never overstaying its welcome nor standing out too far apart from the rest of the ensemble. 

Whenever I hear this song, I'm reminded of this day. I'm sure I had heard this song before, but I hadn't really listened to it. From the summit, Daejeon looked so insignificant amid the vast wave of rolling hills stretching southward down the Korean peninsula . It is one thing to be an ant looking up at the sky from the chaos of moving life, it is another thing entirely to be looking down and feeling as though you aren't necessarily a part of the city cycle, if just for a few hours or so. It is wonderful to feel disconnected. "New Grass" is for the open skies.

JUNE

Sistar-- "Alone"

I sometimes listen to K-Pop and notice that there are some really good songs that don't get played nearly enough, and really bad songs that get played far too often.  This is, easily, one of the strongest K-Pop songs I have ever heard. Unfortunately, it was quickly overtaken by the monster summer hit by PSY, so it didn't receive nearly as much radio play as it should have. I have no idea what they're saying until the English hook, "I'm fallinnnnng down/ fallinnnnng down." Being K-Pop, the production is very clean even if the instrumental is almost cheesy.  Don't waste your time watching the "choreography," there is just a lot of leg swaying/lifting and terrible attempts at moonwalking in high heels.  The girls in Sistar are really talented and have a knack for melodies and hooks--they would do well to work with some stronger producers.  Plus, one girl has a giant head tattooed on her back, so her street-cred bumps up like, I don't know, five or six points right there.

I first heard this song in a burger joint down in Suncheon. My friends and I had traveled to Yeosu for the Ocean Expo and were staying in Suncheon so that my friend Al could take an English exam. Susan and I decided to explore a bit and happened upon a really great burger place.  They played some pretty killer K-Pop, but this song stuck out.  It had such a gnarly chorus I had to ask the server who the song was by. I don't know too much about Sistar, K-Pop bands come and go and seem to be short-lived trends in a lot of cases. A K-Pop group seems to have a shelf-life of about 3 months. They put a song out, the Korean radio stations overplay the living shit out of it and then the song/group fades into obscurity (after hearing some of their other songs...I have to imagine that is what will happen to Sistar).  

JULY

A Sunny Day in Glasgow-- "Things Only I Can See" from Scribble Mural Cosmic Journal




Such a lovely tune. Plays like a happier My Bloody Valentine outtake. The guitar isn't super thick until the bridge and when it does kick in, oh man. There are so many things going on at once, and this can be distracting if you are listening on headphones. Unlike MBV however, this is not headphones music. It is meant to be played blissfully loud as you sit in comfort of new morning sunshine.



September

Tame Impala-- "Feels Like We Only Go Backwards" from Lonerism



Jesus. This is what the Beatles would sound like if they formed in the 21st Century...and if they happened to be from Australia. Okay. Not exactly fair. Without the Beatles, it could be argued that Tame Impala couldn't exist. We could also factor Mercury Rev and the Flaming Lips into the equation and say that Tame Impala are the sum of their influences. Honestly though, (god, this is going to be sac-religious) TI are far more melodic than the Flaming Lips and far more dexterous than the Beatles. This album is easily a modern classic and when I heard it for the first time, turning leaves didn't phase me so much. The shortening days and crisp nights were flecked with warmth and sunshine every time I gave this album a spin. In fact, going into December, this album still warms me on my evening jogs. 

October

Sebadoh-- "On Fire" from Harmacy



No song I have ever heard encapsulates longing like this one. "And I don't think before I speak/ and I don't know how far my words reach" Lou Barlow sings, as vulnerable and tuned-in to his feelings as I've ever heard a singer. People call Nirvana confessional--you don't know confessional until you've heard the most personal Lou Barlow tunes. There is a strong autumnal feel to this song and it sound-tracked dozens of crisp, late afternoon bike rides in the country for me. The thing I like about Barlow is that he doesn't wallow in self-pity, he admits that he's got a problem, identifies the problem and then moves on. The reason why I'll always prefer bands like Pavement and Sebadoh to Nirvana is because their image and sound aren't easily categorized. You can tell Pavement and Sebadoh apart from everyone else, but  you can follow a bread crumb trail to Nirvana's influences. Stylistically, Sebadoh can play anything and though they aren't nearly as consistent as a lot of the indie brethren, they are fascinating as hell.

November

Boredoms-- "Super Going"  from Super AE




Boredoms. Can't say that they are a band I ever cared about. Japanese. The Japanese make rock music? Noise. Lots of unholy, amazing noise. To some, this will sound like esoteric noise music--to me it does, sometimes. Other times, it is incredibly complex and beautiful. "Super Going" goes a lot of places without really going anywhere. Based around two chords, propulsive drumming and lots of echo-y, reverb-y "singing", this song doesn't need decoding. All you really have to do is lay back and let yourself get taken by this joyful noise. 

Well. That's the end of that blog-entry. Took forever.